What do bloggers owe each other in person?
Aug 20, 2010 Blogging
Making fun of bloggers is easy. The image of a lonely, somewhat nerdy, sweaty person in a basement full of Radio Shack equipment, eating burritos while wearing sweats and unleashing their unappreciated genius on the world, is an easy one to conjure. In my case it’s usually pjs, and my couch isn’t in the basement, but other than that I do what I can to promote that image. You’re welcome.
It’s all tongue-in-cheek and funny and almost completely false (almost!), but behind the scenes there are some serious businesswomen and writers and photographers, people who are passionate about what they do whether they’re trying to make a living at it or not, whether they have ten readers or ten thousand. I myself have had an especially hard time this year transitioning from hobbyist to professional in a career I didn’t know existed two years ago. What might have been cute when I had 15 readers – “So sorry I didn’t post that for you on time, one of my kids was throwing up and a pipe burst and OMG I don’t know how women with kids work from home HA HA HA LOL 
I’ll try to get it up ASAP!” – isn’t so funny once companies have decided to take a real chance on you, and NDAs and W9s are involved and you’re starting to get somewhere. An essential part of that growth and transition for me has been getting my hands dirty out in the real world, giving my precious time to go other places. And I’ve finally come to the realization that when I’m out in public with other bloggers at blogging events, I am my brand. I am representing myself either as someone other people want to know and work with, or not.
I have a real love/hate relationship with events and trips for bloggers. On the one hand, I hate having to get off of my couch, get into respectable clothes, and try not to say anything completely offensive for a few hours or days. But on the other hand, I get to connect with people. Real live people who I might know pretty well on twitter or email, but I’ve never hugged or eaten a meal with. If given a choice between a big, loud, flashy party with hundreds of dancing, happy people, or a small table with three friends and some take-out Mexican, I will always choose the smaller gathering. And that’s why I like going on blogging trips, where someone has gathered a small group of people who all have a loose connection – writing online – and we get to spend two or three days getting to know each other in more than 140 characters. It’s fantastic. It’s something that I probably wouldn’t make a move to do on my own, because I usually let inertia take over (and it’s taken my ass over quite nicely), so I love that companies do this for me. I know they’re not gathering a group of us to help me make friends, they’ve got the economies of scale on their side. Still, it’s a nice fringe benefit.
I’ve always felt that by going on those trips I’m indicating something. To the company that invited me, I’m saying that I’m interested in taking things to the next level, that I’m willing to leave my house and family for a few days and immerse myself in their world. And to the other bloggers, I’m saying that I want to get something out of the trip that I can’t get online. We may not end up best friends, we may not ever see each other again, but we’ll always have some kind of special bond. I’ll keep up with your tweets, I’ll smile when I see you. When something good or bad happens to you it will mean a bit more to me because you’re no longer just an avatar staring back at me. When I go on these trips I’m saying to the other people involved, we get to have a connection that’s one step up from the one we had online. It doesn’t mean that I click with everybody, but it means that I give it a shot. Otherwise I might as well just stay home and stay anonymous and two-dimentional.
This is why I get upset when I hear about bloggers being bitchy on trips. Being a blogger does not in any way mean that you have to be a nice person. In fact, a few bloggers are making names for themselves being exceedingly bitchy, and it seems to be working for them, so brava. But it absolutely astounds me when I hear stories about bloggers traveling somewhere to spend time with a group of people and then being completely disrespectful.
This isn’t Montessori kindergarten. You are under no obligation to be anybody but yourself. If you’re not a nice person, let your bitch flag fly high and wave. But why then would you want to sequester yourself with strangers? Why would you bother leaving the cocoon of your online world to mix with people if not to try to be a part of some kind of community? What’s in it for you? It seems like it would be torture.
I’ve always thought that my blog was a good representation of me: happy, a little flighty and inconsistent, sometimes grumpy and bitchy and cynical, but overall a good heart beating alongside a willing and hopeful soul. When I go out into the world I don’t always represent myself the way I want to, sometimes I overreact or underreact or try to steal focus, and sometimes on the way home I beat myself up a little. But I do try to be a productive member of whatever group I’m in. And I think that’s the key: if you don’t want to try to be a respectful member of a group, nobody will blame you for staying home. But if your unyielding tendency is to stir up trouble on someone else’s dime, you give all of us a bad name.
Originally posted on Behind the Screen, a part of SelfishMom.com. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn, Behind the Screen, Momtourage, and podcasts with The Blogging Angels.
BlogHer should not equal stress
Aug 3, 2010 Blogging
I get pretty stressed when I travel, at least until I get out of the door. I never check to see if the clothes I want to bring are clean until it’s almost too late to wash them. I never order a car for early enough because I don’t want to sit around at the airport for hours. My husband works a lot so the only way I can leave is if I take care of everything before the trip, which means laying out clothes for the kids for however long I’ll be gone, printing out schedules and lists and maps, and making sure there’s babysitter coverage if needed. (Maybe I need to borrow my good friend Abby Cadabby’s magic wand.)
But once I’m on my way, I try to leave all of the stress behind. Since having kids, I don’t get a lot of time to think about only myself. Even if I’m home alone (which I am many weekdays) I’m surrounded by chores and obligations and piles of stuff that need my attention. But when I’m out of town, if I didn’t get it done before I left, then there’s no use worrying about it, because I can’t do anything about it.
And it’s not like things always go well while I’m gone. I had a babysitting disaster a few trips ago that came to a climax in the middle of a meeting full of people I wanted to impress (or at least not sob in front of). But that disaster could have been prevented with more planning on my part before leaving home, so that just hardened my resolve that the more I can prepare before I leave, the more I can relax while I’m gone.
I know from reading twitter and other blogs that many (most?) of you don’t share my lack of stress in being away from home. I wish I could say that I understood, that I sympathize, but I’d be lying. I think if you’re going to spend the entire time you’re gone crying about missing your kids and feeling guilty that you left them, then you just shouldn’t go. I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid, I’m just saying that your guilt isn’t going to make anybody back home feel better and it may ruin your trip, so why bother?
But the stresses that people feel about attending BlogHer seem even more profound than the stresses of leaving kids at home, and I get this more than I get the kid thing. So much of it sounds like high school, and I hated high school, so I will try to help. My only qualification for this is that conferences don’t stress me. Much like leaving home at home, a lot of it has to do with preparation before the conference.
NYC freaks freaks you out
I totally get this. I lived in NJ for four years before moving to Brooklyn eight years ago, and every time I had to go into the city I got totally stressed, thinking a stray bullet was going to pierce my skull while I was getting raped. But of course, I was just letting the media scare the shit out of me. NYC is safe. Is it as safe as a small midwestern town, or a nice quiet suburb? Well, those places are scary for different reasons, but yeah, you might not be as likely to get shot or robbed. But honest to God, you’re not likely to have those things happen to you here, either. For a gigantic city, New York is very safe. You just have to take some basic precautions.
Don’t be a tourist target:
- Don’t ever ever ever put down your purse. Hold it on your lap in restaurants if you have to. No matter what you do you’re probably going to look like a tourist (I do, and did I mention I’ve lived here eight years?) which will make you a target. So don’t give anybody the chance to snatch your bag.
- Don’t walk around with a camera the size of a toaster around your neck. What’s that you say? You have to have it with you, because that’s why your pictures look so much better than mine? Well then, treat it like a purse. Don’t ever put it down.
- If you’ve got a smartphone, download maps of NYC streets and the subway system. So much easier than opening a big map, and again, you may be able to avoid the whole tourist look.
- If anyone near you does anything especially gross or alarming (goes into a huge coughing fit, makes barfing motions, break dances), immediately check your belongings – there’s a good chance there’s another person working with that person, trying to get your stuff.
Getting around:
You may not have to step foot on public transportation in NYC if you don’t specifically want to. Most of the events are in or around the Hilton, and most companies having off-site events are providing transportation. But if you do want to venture around on your own, you should do these things:
- Sign up for HopStop.com before you leave home, with your cell phone #, so that you’ll be able to text directions to yourself if need be (or if you’re an iPhone person, download the app). HopStop is a fantastic site that will give you subway and bus directions, walking routes, and even estimate cab fare for you.
- Don’t go into an empty subway car. If the car you’re in empties out, change cars. Strength in numbers.
- Avoid pedicabs and horse-drawn carriages like the plague. They promote the whole unsavory tourist look, plus they’re ridiculously expensive. And the pedicabs are annoying. And I don’t care what the carriage drivers say, those horses are not happy.
The Conference:
- Before you leave home, really pour over the conference schedule. Figure out what you absolutely don’t want to miss, and schedule everything else around that. Don’t schedule panels and classes back-to-back if you can help it. You may need to get to a lot of them early to get a seat. Knowing where you want to be will cut down on a lot of stress.
- Dress comfortably. What does that mean? Whatever you think that means. If you’re comfortable in a business suit and pumps, wear that. Jeans and a t-shirt your uniform? Go with it. You will see every style of dress at BlogHer, so don’t worry about being over- or under-dressed. OK, OK, I promise not to wear sweats, and you shouldn’t either. But really, anything else goes.
- Don’t worry about who you’re going to sit with, or who you’ll have lunch with. This isn’t high school. Actually, it’s a lot like high school, but with one major difference: you now know how pointless all of the petty high school bullshit was. You know that the people who snubbed you were really just insecure losers. Take a seat, introduce yourself to the other people at the table, and maybe something will click, you never know.
- So you’ve been reading someone’s blog for a year, and you’re dying to meet her and tell her how much you look forward to seeing her each day on your magical light-up screen. You’re nervous as hell to go up to her. You know what? She’s probably going to be flattered as all get out! And if she’s not? You’re a blogger. It will make for a good post.
- Make sure you have some alone time each day, especially if you’re sharing a hotel room. In San Francisco in 2008 I was staying off-site. And while that sucked for a multitude of reasons, the quiet time on the train was actually a blessing. Staying on-site in Chicago in 2009, I had to manufacture that alone time each day, usually with a walk outside of the hotel to get something to eat by myself. Trust me, you’ll feel better.
The Parties
I think the parties surrounding BlogHer might cause the most stress for the most people. For one thing, most parties can only fit a small percentage of the people attending BlogHer, so people stress about who got invited to what, or who RSVPd in time. There are absolutely parties I wanted to go to this year that I didn’t get invited to. I don’t know a single person who is going to all of the parties she wants to. Last year there were parties I would have loved to go to that I didn’t even know were happening until after BlogHer was over. Life went on. Yes, I’m dying to go to the Nate Berkus Show party. I love him. But sadly he doesn’t know who I am, or at least whoever is in charge of the party doesn’t. And it would be incredibly tacky to beg here on my blog for an invite. So…I’m…not…
- Make sure you’re signed up for wait lists for parties you didn’t get into. Tomorrow’s the day when people will need to start canceling hotel reservations, and along with those cancellations will be party cancellations, so you never know.
Every party is different in terms of dress. In 2008 I wore plain black outfits both nights. In 2009 I went all out – I even got my hair done in a period style for BowlHer. I’m not sure which I preferred, and I don’t think it mattered. Everywhere I went, there was someone more dressy than me, and someone in jeans. Seriously. So dress up if you feel like it. But if that’s not your thing, and it’s causing you a disproportionate amount of stress, wear something simple. They’re parties, you’re supposed to have fun.
Brands
I love working with brands. I’m being sponsored for BlogHer by an awesome website, eBay Classifieds. BlogHer is a great place to introduce yourself to brands, especially if you don’t live in a big city and don’t get these opportunities all the time. However, I would caution you to keep things at an introduction, unless you’ve got an appointment set up. It’s going to be crowded and loud a lot of the time, and many people will be vying for the attention of the brand reps. Don’t try to pitch them on your fabulous idea when there’s a line of people waiting. Give them your card, take their cards, have a short conversation, and promise to follow up after the craziness of BlogHer is over. Give them a few days, then contact them. If there’s anything specific about your brief meeting you can throw into your email, do it.
If you really want to have some in-depth conversations with brand reps, catch them during the big panels and speeches, when things are quieter.
Swag
God, I don’t know what to say about swag. I saw some things that disgusted me last year. My roommate had her baby strapped to her chest and still got shoved out of the way by people trying to get their hands on gift bags full of dildos.
If there’s a company giving something away that you just really have to have and can’t get it without embarrassing yourself, try contacting them after BlogHer is over. So much better than waiting in line at parties just to grab a swag bag and go. If you get caught up in swag euphoria, you’ll feel cheap the next morning. Trust me: as I was packing up boxes of crap to ship home from San Francisco I felt like a $2 whore. And most of that stuff is still sitting in my spare room collecting dust. I wanted it just to have it, I didn’t even think about what it really was or if it was a good fit for my blog.
***
Well, that’s all the wisdom I can think of, at least for three in the morning. If you take anything away from this, I’d want it to be that most of the drama that happens at these things is self-imposed, and why would you do that to yourself?
Originally posted on Behind the Screen, a part of SelfishMom.com. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn and Momtourage.
Why I probably won’t see you at BlogHer
Aug 1, 2010 Blogging
I’ve gotten a bunch of emails and tweets in the past couple of weeks that make me feel really good and really bad at the same time. They’re along the lines of “Can’t wait to see you at Blogher, want to meet up?” “Getting together w/a few ppl 4 lunch, want to join us?” “Where will you be at noon on Friday, I’d love to finally meet you.” Whenever one of those comes in, my head and ego both inflate a little bit, and I’m sincerely flattered. And honestly they’re all from people that I’d really like to see.
But here’s the thing: BlogHer is a crappy place to meet up with people, at least for me. I’ve spent the past month working out my schedule, trying to figure out which meetings and parties and panels and sessions I can reasonably get to, and at this point the only truly free time I have left in my schedule I want to spend in my room alone, recharging myself so that I can go out and be among people again for a couple more hours. I don’t like crowds, so I find conferences absolutely draining, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Add my well-known inability to remember names and faces, and by Sunday I may need to check into a hospital with “exhaustion” like a batshit crazy starlet.
I think there were something like 3,000 attendees at last year’s BlogHer in Chicago. There were times when I was in the same ballroom with good friends and it took a dozen tweets to locate each other. I found out afterwards that there were people there I had really wanted to run in to, and in four days hadn’t spotted them once. The fact is, it’s just too big an event to run into anybody, and too busy to plan meetings with friends. Sure, I could cram in 15 minutes here and a quick meal there, but would it really be worth it? I know myself pretty well, and I’m fairly sure that I would just resent giving up some hotel-room-alone-time.
I think part of the problem is that everyone goes to conferences for different reasons. For some, it’s almost purely social, for others, it’s business. I fall into the business category, so learning and meeting with brands comes first for me. If I can find a corner table at a quiet party I’d love to talk, but that rarely happens, and by the evening I’m pretty spent anyway.
I think what we need is an un-conference. No panels, no brands, no parties, no schedules. Just a bunch of bloggers meeting in the same city to socialize, sit around and talk with no plan and no agenda. I know that won’t happen, but I can dream, can’t I?
I hope to meet up with a lot of friends this week. I’m going to be doing a lot of DMing to see where people are so that hopefully we can catch up between sessions or share a car to an off-site event. But please don’t hate me for not making solid plans. It’s not you, it’s me.
Originally posted on Behind the Screen, a part of SelfishMom.com. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn and the NYC Moms Blog.
Tags: BlogHer
