BlogHer should not equal stress
Aug 3, 2010 Blogging
I get pretty stressed when I travel, at least until I get out of the door. I never check to see if the clothes I want to bring are clean until it’s almost too late to wash them. I never order a car for early enough because I don’t want to sit around at the airport for hours. My husband works a lot so the only way I can leave is if I take care of everything before the trip, which means laying out clothes for the kids for however long I’ll be gone, printing out schedules and lists and maps, and making sure there’s babysitter coverage if needed. (Maybe I need to borrow my good friend Abby Cadabby’s magic wand.)
But once I’m on my way, I try to leave all of the stress behind. Since having kids, I don’t get a lot of time to think about only myself. Even if I’m home alone (which I am many weekdays) I’m surrounded by chores and obligations and piles of stuff that need my attention. But when I’m out of town, if I didn’t get it done before I left, then there’s no use worrying about it, because I can’t do anything about it.
And it’s not like things always go well while I’m gone. I had a babysitting disaster a few trips ago that came to a climax in the middle of a meeting full of people I wanted to impress (or at least not sob in front of). But that disaster could have been prevented with more planning on my part before leaving home, so that just hardened my resolve that the more I can prepare before I leave, the more I can relax while I’m gone.
I know from reading twitter and other blogs that many (most?) of you don’t share my lack of stress in being away from home. I wish I could say that I understood, that I sympathize, but I’d be lying. I think if you’re going to spend the entire time you’re gone crying about missing your kids and feeling guilty that you left them, then you just shouldn’t go. I’m not saying your feelings aren’t valid, I’m just saying that your guilt isn’t going to make anybody back home feel better and it may ruin your trip, so why bother?
But the stresses that people feel about attending BlogHer seem even more profound than the stresses of leaving kids at home, and I get this more than I get the kid thing. So much of it sounds like high school, and I hated high school, so I will try to help. My only qualification for this is that conferences don’t stress me. Much like leaving home at home, a lot of it has to do with preparation before the conference.
NYC freaks freaks you out
I totally get this. I lived in NJ for four years before moving to Brooklyn eight years ago, and every time I had to go into the city I got totally stressed, thinking a stray bullet was going to pierce my skull while I was getting raped. But of course, I was just letting the media scare the shit out of me. NYC is safe. Is it as safe as a small midwestern town, or a nice quiet suburb? Well, those places are scary for different reasons, but yeah, you might not be as likely to get shot or robbed. But honest to God, you’re not likely to have those things happen to you here, either. For a gigantic city, New York is very safe. You just have to take some basic precautions.
Don’t be a tourist target:
- Don’t ever ever ever put down your purse. Hold it on your lap in restaurants if you have to. No matter what you do you’re probably going to look like a tourist (I do, and did I mention I’ve lived here eight years?) which will make you a target. So don’t give anybody the chance to snatch your bag.
- Don’t walk around with a camera the size of a toaster around your neck. What’s that you say? You have to have it with you, because that’s why your pictures look so much better than mine? Well then, treat it like a purse. Don’t ever put it down.
- If you’ve got a smartphone, download maps of NYC streets and the subway system. So much easier than opening a big map, and again, you may be able to avoid the whole tourist look.
- If anyone near you does anything especially gross or alarming (goes into a huge coughing fit, makes barfing motions, break dances), immediately check your belongings – there’s a good chance there’s another person working with that person, trying to get your stuff.
Getting around:
You may not have to step foot on public transportation in NYC if you don’t specifically want to. Most of the events are in or around the Hilton, and most companies having off-site events are providing transportation. But if you do want to venture around on your own, you should do these things:
- Sign up for HopStop.com before you leave home, with your cell phone #, so that you’ll be able to text directions to yourself if need be (or if you’re an iPhone person, download the app). HopStop is a fantastic site that will give you subway and bus directions, walking routes, and even estimate cab fare for you.
- Don’t go into an empty subway car. If the car you’re in empties out, change cars. Strength in numbers.
- Avoid pedicabs and horse-drawn carriages like the plague. They promote the whole unsavory tourist look, plus they’re ridiculously expensive. And the pedicabs are annoying. And I don’t care what the carriage drivers say, those horses are not happy.
The Conference:
- Before you leave home, really pour over the conference schedule. Figure out what you absolutely don’t want to miss, and schedule everything else around that. Don’t schedule panels and classes back-to-back if you can help it. You may need to get to a lot of them early to get a seat. Knowing where you want to be will cut down on a lot of stress.
- Dress comfortably. What does that mean? Whatever you think that means. If you’re comfortable in a business suit and pumps, wear that. Jeans and a t-shirt your uniform? Go with it. You will see every style of dress at BlogHer, so don’t worry about being over- or under-dressed. OK, OK, I promise not to wear sweats, and you shouldn’t either. But really, anything else goes.
- Don’t worry about who you’re going to sit with, or who you’ll have lunch with. This isn’t high school. Actually, it’s a lot like high school, but with one major difference: you now know how pointless all of the petty high school bullshit was. You know that the people who snubbed you were really just insecure losers. Take a seat, introduce yourself to the other people at the table, and maybe something will click, you never know.
- So you’ve been reading someone’s blog for a year, and you’re dying to meet her and tell her how much you look forward to seeing her each day on your magical light-up screen. You’re nervous as hell to go up to her. You know what? She’s probably going to be flattered as all get out! And if she’s not? You’re a blogger. It will make for a good post.
- Make sure you have some alone time each day, especially if you’re sharing a hotel room. In San Francisco in 2008 I was staying off-site. And while that sucked for a multitude of reasons, the quiet time on the train was actually a blessing. Staying on-site in Chicago in 2009, I had to manufacture that alone time each day, usually with a walk outside of the hotel to get something to eat by myself. Trust me, you’ll feel better.
The Parties
I think the parties surrounding BlogHer might cause the most stress for the most people. For one thing, most parties can only fit a small percentage of the people attending BlogHer, so people stress about who got invited to what, or who RSVPd in time. There are absolutely parties I wanted to go to this year that I didn’t get invited to. I don’t know a single person who is going to all of the parties she wants to. Last year there were parties I would have loved to go to that I didn’t even know were happening until after BlogHer was over. Life went on. Yes, I’m dying to go to the Nate Berkus Show party. I love him. But sadly he doesn’t know who I am, or at least whoever is in charge of the party doesn’t. And it would be incredibly tacky to beg here on my blog for an invite. So…I’m…not…
- Make sure you’re signed up for wait lists for parties you didn’t get into. Tomorrow’s the day when people will need to start canceling hotel reservations, and along with those cancellations will be party cancellations, so you never know.
Every party is different in terms of dress. In 2008 I wore plain black outfits both nights. In 2009 I went all out – I even got my hair done in a period style for BowlHer. I’m not sure which I preferred, and I don’t think it mattered. Everywhere I went, there was someone more dressy than me, and someone in jeans. Seriously. So dress up if you feel like it. But if that’s not your thing, and it’s causing you a disproportionate amount of stress, wear something simple. They’re parties, you’re supposed to have fun.
Brands
I love working with brands. I’m being sponsored for BlogHer by an awesome website, eBay Classifieds. BlogHer is a great place to introduce yourself to brands, especially if you don’t live in a big city and don’t get these opportunities all the time. However, I would caution you to keep things at an introduction, unless you’ve got an appointment set up. It’s going to be crowded and loud a lot of the time, and many people will be vying for the attention of the brand reps. Don’t try to pitch them on your fabulous idea when there’s a line of people waiting. Give them your card, take their cards, have a short conversation, and promise to follow up after the craziness of BlogHer is over. Give them a few days, then contact them. If there’s anything specific about your brief meeting you can throw into your email, do it.
If you really want to have some in-depth conversations with brand reps, catch them during the big panels and speeches, when things are quieter.
Swag
God, I don’t know what to say about swag. I saw some things that disgusted me last year. My roommate had her baby strapped to her chest and still got shoved out of the way by people trying to get their hands on gift bags full of dildos.
If there’s a company giving something away that you just really have to have and can’t get it without embarrassing yourself, try contacting them after BlogHer is over. So much better than waiting in line at parties just to grab a swag bag and go. If you get caught up in swag euphoria, you’ll feel cheap the next morning. Trust me: as I was packing up boxes of crap to ship home from San Francisco I felt like a $2 whore. And most of that stuff is still sitting in my spare room collecting dust. I wanted it just to have it, I didn’t even think about what it really was or if it was a good fit for my blog.
***
Well, that’s all the wisdom I can think of, at least for three in the morning. If you take anything away from this, I’d want it to be that most of the drama that happens at these things is self-imposed, and why would you do that to yourself?
Originally posted on Behind the Screen, a part of SelfishMom.com. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn and Momtourage.
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